The New Normal

What is normal?  Webster's Dictionary defines normal as this: conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.  Who are the 'people' who decide what the standard is...for us?  Are we choosing what the standard is for ourselves and our family, or are we allowing the woman across the street to sway our idea of what our normal should look like.  

In high school I didn't have a ton of girlfriends. I had three really close friends, one of whom I still talk to today.  At that time in my life I would have rather hung out with the male population because it was easier. With girlfriends came drama and I just wasn't up for that mess.  Trying to be like them, look like them, act like them, it just all seemed so time consuming. Looking back, now that I am older and wiser (ha,ha), I probably came across as a real bitch.  For that I have regrets, but what I don't regret is that at that young age I realized that I didn't want someone else to tell me what was normal for me.  I have to give my parents props for having that understanding.  They are very 'normal' people who were never swayed by what others might think.  They have lived in the same house my whole life, never had to have the newest cars, never felt like what someone else had was going to make them better.

 
Now that I am an adult and a parent I see that the desire to define normal is even bigger, especially for moms. We are all out of high school, yet we seem to be just as judgmental as we were when we walked the halls.  We judge other women whether we truly know them or not. Why do her kids act like that?  Why can't she keep her house clean?Why does she always look upset? Why does she have a cleaning lady? Why does her hair never look combed? Why is she never with her kids?  Why, why, why?  What and who gives us the right to ask questions like this?  Not only are we quick to judge others, we judge ourselves just the same. Why can't I keep a clean house?  Why don't my kids use manners in public? Why am I not that skinny? Why doesn't my marriage look like that? Why is she so happy? Why is her life so...normal?  

Everyone's normal looks different from yours and mine. What works for me and my family, isn't going to work for you in the same ways.  Instead of trying to set the standard for someone else's life we need to be more focused on setting our own standard. What works for me and my family is the question that we need to be asking ourselves.  As women, we need to be lifting each other up instead of breaking each other down.  We tell our children to mind their business, yet we are not leading by example.   The roller coaster of mommyhood would be much more enjoyable if we didn't feel like someone was constantly trying to push us out of the car.  We live in a world where comparison is everywhere.  We are always being challenged to be like, look like, do like, when all the while our family and our own self is on the suffering end.    

When we moved to Texas, the first year was really dark for me.  We had just come from a place where we were excepted for who we were and not for what we had, or did, or could do for others.  We came from a church family that embraced us and our children and who didn't allow politics to get involved in friendships.  It took me quite some time to find a group of women who I didn't feel were judging me.  Who didn't come across as trying to define my standard or beliefs. Who wanted to walk this journey of mommyhood with me and not push me off the trail or make me believe that their trail was the better choice for my walk.  I was naive to think that I would only find these types of 'Christian's' at church, my church.  I thank God for community.  I am blessed with a great group of friends who take me at face value and in return I allow them that same freedom.  

Matthew 7:1-3 says:  
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  Do we really want God to judge us as we judge others?  Holy Moly!!  

My final point is this:  At the end of the day the only one who we will soon be judged by that truly matters is God.  His standard is the only one that we need to be focused on.  Not the standard that we have seen in the grocery store, or in Target, or in our MOPS group or even at our church.  Choose your own normal and keep your eye on the prize, which is eternal life with our Heavenly Father.  When others look at you and question what your doing and how you are doing it, don't get discouraged and remember that the same verse above applies to them also.  Do you and your family a huge favor and don't compare yourself or them to anyone else. God gave us the members in our family because he knew we would be perfect for each other.  All we need to do is quit trying to replace our members with someone else's.

Blessings
'Me'